Pretty good so far. You got my.attention. keep me informed on your next story.
I love art, make comics, anime of course, love zelda and video games, love anything with technology. Not a freak though. I wish to make animations someday. I love the color blue, green, and yellow. I love tacos and i am very fast. Any Questions? [(+_=)]
Age 26, Male
wat
what do you think?????
Flying on a whale
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Thank you my friend! ~(-_-)~
gonna put this is on youtube? Id love to put it on it my channel bro heres the link <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/Madyoshifan25">http://www.youtube.com/user/Madyoshifan25</a>
kkots
Repetition again: "New start of life, my friend. They are not important to my life. I can be alone for the rest of my life for all I care".
This time the dialogues were pretty well written. The story was progressing with the right speed.
But I noticed there's something wrong with the direction in which the story progresses: there was no investigation of the situation by Cattunki brothers, not enough tension build-up, you pulled the trigger way too soon, without all the proper preparations. You could have added so much more to the story.
But instead, you wrote a short dialogue which happens in a single place and in a short lapse of time, in which Blue gives away all his crimes. That's extremely disappointing. But the story is saved by the fact it's written so damn well. Good job.
3DPitDudez
Thank you, and I promise to work on the tension build up and the paste of situations.
Also, I will make sure the next part is long as hell! It just takes me at least three hours to make sure my story is peachy perfect. And, i'm time limited from parenting crap on my computer, so when I strike my limit, the computer shuts off, not saving any crap i'm doing. Stupid parents, but I will try my best to make the next part long. Don't worry!