My Strange Feeling

My mom has been a huge jerk to me for the past few days, since I started smart mouth before going camping. And with that, it did not make camping enjoyable. All I liked is hanging out with my pals while camping, swimming, smores, hiking, grilling, and having nice chances to start fires. Well, I gotta hand it to ya, but this year was pretty swell with camping. The weather was perfect, and I get to relax with quiet forest noises.

Now that i'm home, the weather is awesome! Getting the nice home feeling with a cloudy weather, along with cold breezes. But, after today, how i'm feeling is not normal.

Got yelled at countless times, and one of the times she yelled, was in the kitchen. Near a knife rack. My bad side of my mind was telling me to stab her when she was not looking. End her life quickly. I actually grabbed a butcher knife from the knife rack when no one was looking, and my hands started to tremble. I held back this crazy feeling and put the knife back in it's place. And, I just spent the rest of the day playing my laptop and Animal crossing on my 3Ds. And I tried to get the feeling behind me. But it's still racing, making me both nervous and stressed.

Now about the feeling, is killing. I had other feelings of that, but with people out there who are pains in my life and should seriously burn in hell. I also have feelings of killing myself sometimes. The only time I was really close of killing myself was when I was 10. Now I have feelings of killing my mom?! I never got the feeling to actually kill my own mother, who understands me so much and carries me under her wing the day I met earth! She will always be there for me when I need her most, and she gives me things I really need and hold dear. And since i'm thinking about something fucked up like this, will my family be next?!

Is it okay to feel like this, as long I actually don't do what my mind is telling me to do?! I mean, is it natural to feel the suicide and murder? Having the feeling to just kill anyone you feel like you look down upon? Feeling the death rise beneath the innocent soul?

My Strange Feeling

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Awesomeboy2000 2013-07-26 20:29:52

WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH....WOAH...HOLD UP....

WHAT DA FAQ. 0__0

Just calm down, bro. Do you have like a baseball bat in your house? If you do then go out side and hit something with it, preferably a tree. That helps me sometimes. :)

But if that doesn't help then kill stuff on a video game or something. You truly don't want to kill someone in real life.

But on a different note, I like how you put the Higurashi picture.

3DPitDudez 2013-07-26 20:29:52

Thanks for the great advice. Didn't know you would react like this after reading the post xD My mind can freak people out a lot sometimes (:D

Slirun 2013-07-26 22:34:48

I know that u hate to have a feeling to kill your owm mother or yourself but you are a great story teller and eventually u should make books and forget about killing yourself or other people besides it won't help not even a little.

3DPitDudez 2013-07-26 22:34:48

Arigato, that might help. I am a great story teller, and all my stories are based on what my mind is full of while writing it. And actually, my crazy mind washes away eventually and I feel better.

Swampertmaster 2013-07-26 23:19:09

dude,mother are like that there are over protecttive but dont kill them,yuo father will know and call the police,dont want to do that..... :( ?

3DPitDudez 2013-07-26 23:19:09

Then I'll decapitate his head right AWAY!

Jk, it's just a crazy side of me thought. If I don't handle the problems right away, I might do what my crazy mind is telling me to do.

But, I already got great advice on how to control myself. Don't worry man.

ZE13 2013-07-27 00:29:32

Uh..... Try writing I used to have thoughts of killing someone myself :(

3DPitDudez 2013-07-27 00:29:32

Hai, writing always help my probs. And I know everyone has thoughts about killing themselves in their lifetime.

Awesomeboy2000 2013-07-27 03:38:20

Yeah but I agree with Reuven, you are an awesome writer. I wish I had your talent. I do have the first chapter of Ghost Girl in my news entries. X3

3DPitDudez 2013-07-27 03:38:20

8-) Thanks! I'm sure you'll be a great writer someday. If you plan to, grab kkots to help you become a great one! He is very helpful and smart.

kkots 2013-07-27 14:40:36

Welcome to my world, friend.
I have feelings and desires to kill my closed ones or myself all the time. Yes, I grab the knife and prepare to strike. I hate myself and closed ones with all my heart. I don't want to be a part of my family. I want to live separately and never see them again. I won't come to their funeral. But deep in my heart I love them, I just want to be away from them. I don't actually prepare to kill, because I am not able to even hit another person, no matter how much I want to. I just hate, hate, hate. Over the years I became silent, vicious and anti-sociable, abnormal. You should too, because it's really good to be like that, once you're into it.

3DPitDudez 2013-07-27 14:40:36 (Updated 2013-07-27 14:55:26)

Wow, you are just like me man. I love my loved ones, but I just want them to fuck off a lot of times. I want to be alone, and I've been alone for 5 years already. And to tell you, life is great. It's fun to think alone, and even hide those crazy feelings in your head so you won't act strange near another being. I hate things too, and it's because I think people hate me. I don't know why, but I just hate.

mrpoochie 2013-07-27 19:06:04

Dude whenever you have these murderous thoughts just stare out of a window in a place where you can be alone and listen to the wind. This will get you off those thoughts, and you should probably do it for about 30 minutes and do not talk or even look at your mother after this and you'll be fine in about 3 hours. During the other 2 hours and 30 minutes go on your favorite sites or read a book. If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, hang out with her/him. This will probably work and you could try it the next time you have these thoughts.

Anyway I sometimes get those thoughts, and when I do, I think of what would happen after I killed them and that stops me.

Anyway dude I hope you keep in control.

thanks,

mrpoochie.

3DPitDudez 2013-07-27 19:06:04 (Updated 2013-07-27 19:24:49)

Dude, I am A okay now. I actually did what some of my buds told me to do to restrain myself. I will try my best to keep the suicide side away from reality and just keep it to myself.

And, I am a single motherfucker. I'll just hang with my buds, read a book, write one, or probably get some fresh air. The weather here will keep me calm for awhile. Cold air, and cloudy skies.

And, listening to the wind is not a bad idea. I'll do that.